King of Assassins

When Xena reappeared 40 minutes into this episode, I expected her to quote Ripley and mutter darkly "Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away?" Everyone's worst qualities were on parade. Gabrielle's ideas were near-incoherent, Autolycus was forgetting to steal while he traded paper-thin double-entendres with Cleopatra, and Joxer was at his most bewildered and ineffective.

The opening scene with Xena (and the guy with mop on his head) totally failed to tell me that Xena was leaving town. There's one quick line that gives the hint, but I was confused when Joxer, Autolycus, and Gabrielle started talking about what they're going to do without her. "Hey, we just saw her down in the dungeon - she's after some warlord who sleeps with his back to the door! Go ring her up!"

There WERE some gems of jokes in this episode, usually at Joxer's expense. (Exception: I liked Joxer's "King Gregor was killed by a baby?" line - it brought up great mental pictures of baby Hope throttling Gregor.)

"There's a concept called personal space. Look into it."
"I find it very hard to believe that this is the improved you."
"No, I mean in a grander sense: why is he here?"
"Where does it hurt?"
   "Right there."
< THUNK >
   "Ow!"

Joxer's suddenly eager to kill. At least, he was in the first scene. And Gabrielle's trying to imitate Xena's every move. What season are we in, again?

Do you think Joxer's going to keep the black leather duds around? Maybe he'll store it in the same mysterious place that Gab keeps her amazon garb. I wasn't sorry to see the hat go, but I found myself missing that ol' aluminum chest protector.

Time to find a new stunt double for Ted! That guy's hair was about three inches longer than Ted's and his face was twice as broad. I was chanting along with the fight scene: "Stunt double... stunt double... stunt double..."

What WAS the reason for stealing a warlord's sword to kill Cleopatra? Why wouldn't any ol' sword do? Gabrielle's theory was that the warlord's sword would be "untraceable" - are swords registered in ancient Greece? Before buying a dirk at the market, do you have to go through a background check?

This episode set up a nice dilemma for Joxer: Would Joxer be able to stop Jet? Would he want to? Would he allow him to be imprisoned or executed? How do his values stack up against family? "It's brother against brother" Joxer declared worriedly. He got a brief chance to try - and fail - facing up to his brother. Jet wasn't having any of it - the dilemma was stronger than ever. Then when Jet stabs Pontius in the back, we get a good look at the relieved expressions of every single person in the room, as if the problem is solved and all is honky dory. What about the small remaining fact that this guy is an assassin for hire? Why wasn't Jet heading for a window to get outta there? The dilemma wasn't resolved so much as called for lack of time.

Line of the episode goes to Gabrielle for "I've been grabbed more times than the Golden Fleece."

I've been harboring a suspicion that Joxer's father isn't nearly the warlord that Joxer thinks he is. Think about this for a minute: if Joxer were to have kids, what would he tell those kids? That he was the very feared and famous Joxer the Mighty, of course. Is Joxer's father really all that, or, as Ares put it in The Xena Scrolls, has his family's reputation for undiluted idiocy remained intact?

How long will it be before we get to meet the third brother, Jace (insert hand flap here)? If Joxer's the black sheep of the family for not causing enough mayhem, what will Jace's specialty turn out to be? And is this related to the rumors that we'll be seeing Ted in drag in the future?

Not the best transition during Autolycus's entrance into the castle. He snuck his way past the guards and inside the walls, wearing a robe. The next shot we see is him swinging into an outside window minus the robe. Wha'? The Xena reality editor on my shoulder, upon reflection, says Autolycus must have gotten into the castle, but in order to reach Cleopatra's actual chambers, had to go all the way up to an unguarded parapet and swing down to her window from there.

Where were Autolycus's cool Spidey-spikes? We didn't get to see him swing a single grappling hook, darn it all.

Gabrielle gets one good idea to her credit during the entire episode - pretending to be unconscious so the guard with aspirations for captaincy opens the cell door. Unfortunately, she then almost ruins it by trying a few times to cut off his flow of blood. We haven't seen her try that since Ares lost his godhood in Ten Little Warlords when she - and everyone else - was going psycho. Isn't Gabrielle's first instinct usually to TALK her way through a problem?

That scene, though, did lead to a fine moment - the captain-wannabe wiggling his fingers and saying "Nope. Seem to be fine. Don't do that." I liked that guy - very funny delivery, both there and at the castle gate. I hope he stays in the rotation for supporting actors.

This whole episode kind of surprised me. This was a Xena-lite episode, which means the main reason we watch the show is gone. It was a Joxer-heavy episode, which ensures lots of controversy and mixed reactions. Given those two conditions, I'd have expected that the producers and writers would be polishing up their best efforts, throwing as many gags and fun fights our way as they could cook up, making each character shine their brightest. We saw that being done a bit in episodes like The Prodigal, where Gabrielle gets to stretch her wings and show off some competence, and For Him the Bell Tolls, with some of the most over-the-top slapstick we've seen and Joxer's character stretched to the limits. But King's story was simplistic and slow, the characters weren't given much new to do, Jet wasn't convincing, and the central tension was shorted out. It had it's funny moments, but in general, it was a shame to waste such an opportunity for supporting characters to really wack out. Miss Lawless to the set, please.

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