The Ring

This episode cracked me up. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the heck out of it. But the whole episode can be summed up like this:

Beowulf and Brunnhilda: "GABRIELLE!!!"
Gabrielle: "XENA!!!"
Xena: "Grinhilda and I have a date with destiny."

It was fun to picking out more pieces from "real" literature that the Xenafolks plucked for this trilogy. The two big ones this time are that Beowulf is still stuck fighting both Grendel and Grendel's mom, and the wall of fire. In Wagner's ring cycle, it's Brunnhilda who sleeps in a ring of fire that only the bravest of heroes can cross. XenaStaff turns that part around a bit, but Brunnhilda is still a Valkyrie who gives herself up in order to save a mortal she loves.

Let's go over the ring rules. Someone puts on the ring. IF they have forsaken love, they get superpowers. Yummy. IF they have not, they get superpowers for about 45 seconds, then the thing they value the most gets taken away from them AND they lose the superpowers. The ring rules don't seem to address what happens if you've already lost the thing you value most and you put the ring on again. It seems that the ring is a one-try-per-customer kind of deal. Except for Xena - she tried it once sans love, and once with love. What IDJIT set up the rules for this ring? Whoever can do the most damage with it wins.

Gabrielle has the faith and tracking instincts of a bloodhound. But during the hunt, I kept expecting Xena to drop down from the trees - Gab, dear, I know you're distraught, but you and Xena are both amazons. If she's not leaving tracks, look UP.

Brunnhilda's motivations are finally revealed. She's on a mission for Odin, but is really working for her own ends: she's a groupie with a bad case of battle lust. Until Xena and Gabrielle stomp that lust into pieces and it has to turn to a different object.

There was brief - very brief - setup last week for the incredibly sudden attacks of lovestruck that Brunnhilda and Beowulf suffered this week for Gabrielle. Good lord, what perfume is the bard wearing? These two didn't fall for her, they lept off cliffs without their bungee cords. And Xena, who's known that Gabrielle's all that for seasons now, grinds her teeth at it all. Her "Nope, don't like her" speech to Gabrielle after a mooning Brunnhilda's departure was hilarious.

Actually, a LOT about this lovesick business was hilarious. Gabrielle kneels, hale and hearty, over a battered and bloody Xena who's been missing and in Grendel's clutches for a day. And yet Beowulf and Brunnhilda's lines are "Gabrielle!" "Gabrielle, are you all right?" Beowulf redeems himself with his witty "You look awful" line to Xena, but geez, Xena should be piping up with "Yeah, guys, and I'm fine, too, thanks for asking." Even Brunnhilda seems to realize how ridiculous this all is the third time they go through it, when Gab slips between the rocks to take off after Xena. Gab screams for Xena, Beowulf screams for Gab, and Brunnhilda gives an exasperated sigh. Ain't love a bitch?

I was glad to see, after the big fight last week, that someone had thought of chopping off the hand that wears the ring! I still have no idea why nobody uses it now, after it had proved so handy (pardon the pun) 35 years ago.

So Grinhilda, even after becoming a monster, can't use the ring. But her son, Grendel, is apparently a rotten apple (or at least became one after 30-some years) and has no problem forsaking love and wearing the ring. Here's your handy-dandy field guide to stick monsters: Baby stick monsters prove that they're not babies after 35 years by sporting manly goatees. Momma stick monsters have none.

Hey, mark this day down in history: a bad guy actually did NOT fall for a trap! Grendel figures out that following Xena into an ambush would be a bad thing to do. Way to go, baby stick monster!

I appreciate the effect of darkness and confusion in a fight. But that cave battle was so poorly lit and quickly cut that I couldn't tell a blasted thing that happened.

"I thought I told you not to come in here!" "I never listen!" I think that exchange summarized Gabrielle's whole life.

Determination points for the bard: Gabrielle scrambles through rock, can't throw the chakram, so she leaps right onto Grendel's back and uses the chakram like a mad butcher knife. Way to go, Gab!

Poor Beowulf. The guy's also majorly smitten with Gabrielle, but seems buried under the been-here-for-years-you-don't- have-a-chance Xena and the subtlety-of-a-stick-monster Brunnhilda.

Has anybody seen the subtext? Brunnhilda is hopelessly, incredibly in love with Gabrielle and is cheesed off because she doesn't stand a chance, since Gabrielle's perfectly happy with her "partner"/"soulmate"/"we're meant to be together" babe, Xena. To quote Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Giles, "The subtext is rapidly becoming... text."

Odin now has a major thing going for the ring for two reasons: he's abandoned love, and Xena's running around with the power to kill gods. The writers even set up why Odin didn't take the ring from Grinhilda earlier: he was hoping to get someone while they were weak and couldn't defend their ring. Good thinking, but Odin's problem is that he's also become a major coward. He sends Grinhilda to fight Xena, goes after the bard, ducks and hides like a baby when the chakram goes flying... he's scared to death. How's HE supposed to get the guts to grab that ring?

Loved how the stick monster disguises itself as a tree to ambush (ba-dump-dum) Xena. That's making use of available resources!

There's a slight Valkyrie addition problem in the big finale. Five valkyries show up with Odin. Odin sends three off to get Gabrielle... but three are in the fight with Xena and Beowulf. And to additionally confuse matters, two valkyries charge Brunnhilda and Gabrielle. Then in one shot, the third jumps into the fray with Brunnhilda. But then Brunnhilda kills her one, Gabrielle knocks hers out... and the third is nowhere to be seen. She must have realized she was needed back at the Xena fight and scurried away.

Awesome effect of the sword and chakram flying up to Xena's hands when she gains the power of the ring. We get treated to butt-kicking on a whole new level for the rest of that fight.

Another note for the field guide: stick monsters bleed sawdust when Xena kicks them in the guts hard enough.

Beowulf isn't stupid enough to think that Xena's dead twice. He finds Xena's sword and bloody chakram, but takes a lesson from Gabrielle's determination (and for once in this episode doesn't think of the bard first) and continues his hunt.

Brunnhilda's sacrifice for Gabrielle is an absolutely, flat- out, without a doubt, sock-knocking amazing scene. For a lot of reasons. It was set up very subtly last week. Xena was the one who discovered that the power of the the runes could lead to a person giving up their essence to form an eternal flame. The obvious setup was that Xena would eventually use that power. The fact that a different valkyrie used it was awesome. Which leads to my second reason for loving this scene - that it was such a surprise. Brunnhilda was so corrupted until this point, that when she managed to wheedle away the ring, I was totally sold that she was going to put it on. When she handed it to Gabrielle, my jaw hit the floor. Next reason for loving the scene was that it was just plain powerful. Brunnhilda, who is fighting a losing battle for Gabrielle's love, anyway, decides that the least she can do is prove her worthiness of a love she'll never get, and gives herself up to protect Gabrielle, the ring, and the greater good Gabrielle espouses, all without the fighting and bloodshed she'd followed until then. Can't beat that for a statement.

And now we're waiting another week until the end! This has been an absolutely ROCKIN' trilogy so far. I can't wait to see the big finale next week; Beowulf's gotta find Xena, Xena's gotta get her memory back and prove she's Gabrielle's soulmate, and Gabrielle's gotta get out of the oven. Brunnhilda... I guess Brunnhilda will just need to find a nice volcano to settle down with. Sorry, Brunnhilda.

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